it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
