my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
