did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
