Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
