im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
