and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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