I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
