Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize