Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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