I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
