I just threw up on my dentist
In America we eat man semen.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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