she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
