i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The air taste purple.
Randomize
