The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
