its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i've created a new STD.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
