Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize