Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
