U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so that wasnt chicken after all
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
