If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
