WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
