Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
