i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
