i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
