Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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