Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
