you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
