mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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