Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
