He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
