I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
