There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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