oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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