I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
