Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
