Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
