would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
