i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
