hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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