And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
