I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
