He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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