I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
