3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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