when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize