Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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