I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
