Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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