i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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