i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
