I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize