it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
