I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
