Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
