Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
