I heard we made out
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
