Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
