I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
