dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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