Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
