I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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