I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
