I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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