We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
