last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
