There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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