I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
