this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
