can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
