There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
